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I'm not really sure if a forum about technology full of strangers is the best place for you to open up in this way, but I trust and hope that in this community you won't be made fun of. I won't pretend to have understood most of what you expressed – I didn't – and although I respect the vulnerable place you find yourself in, I don't think I could be of much help myself, so the purpose of this reply is solely to try to break a silence that must be heavy on you, and initiate a positive and respectful spirit on the responses.

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Same as @diogo already said... I don't know and don't understand almost anything you wrote @hellomoto but eitherway... I know how it feels to be lost in some kind.

Never had to deal with things you wrote in your first post (I read it, but won't cite it as you deleted it).

All I can say, which is almost what Diogo already said... I won't make fun of you. Never. You are part of this community which is more important that anything else. Yet... I'll offer you an "open ear" for conversation, talks, exchange for all kinds of topics.

I remember a time I needed something like that but haven't had anyone... so... the thing I can offer you is... someone to talk to. If needed and wanted.
We all have some kind of daemon or daemons which follow us in some kind or another. Either in real life or in mind which disrupts our real life.

No judgement or anything like that. Talk to me about the things that keep you in trouble.

Drop me a PN for contact details. We can talk via whereby, Skype... whatever. Let me know.

I won't let someone from this community go down a dark spiral. 

Talk to me. We are friends. Even though we don't know each other.

Yours, Alex!

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